I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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