A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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