oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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