So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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