We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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