Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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