i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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