I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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