Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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