be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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