I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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