You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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