Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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