Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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