Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
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Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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