the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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