I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize