Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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