i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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