omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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