You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize