I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize