I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize