i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize