found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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