My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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