I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize