Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize