Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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