One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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