Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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