We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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