I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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