oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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