You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
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I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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