Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize