I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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