There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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