Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
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I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Drunk is a universal language darling
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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