He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize