Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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