So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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