i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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