His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
