He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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