the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize