The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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