You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many bounce houses so little time
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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