As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize