I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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