Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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